A couple of weeks ago I admitted to my bandmates that I wasn't stoked on playing live shows anymore. I love playing music, and playing live is fun, but my focus is shifting. Music will always figure into my life but I am serious about my career, and I am serious about this project. By the time I get home, I just want to hang out with Bomber and Amanda and read a damn book. I don't want to be aggravated when I meet up with my dudes to play rock and roll. I don't want to let it go but it may be gone already. I used to think I couldn't live without it, but I've lost a lot ofthings and people I couldn't live without and here I am.

I've felt like crap for days. I can't get enough sleep, I feel listless. I already had a lot of respect for professional fighters, but I am really starting to appreciate the dedication required to pursue a career in the fight game while working a full time job and taking care of social and familial obligations.

I am heading down to Throwbacks Boxing & MMA tomorrow to work out for the first time. Ideally I will box, train Muay Thai, and work out with a group of pro fighters there on a regular basis. It's a mile from my "home" gym, SDS, and I am already somewhat familiar with the crew there, so if my training is split between SDS and Throwbacks I'll be a happy little camper.