The first day of the rest of my life.

I spent most of yesterday afternoon prepping food for this week. I have a meal plan, I am sticking to it (with a few planned deviations). I have a workout schedule, I am sticking to it.

Diet8 a.m. Breakfast quesadilla - half a green pepper, 1/3 cup onion, 1/3 cup of cheese, 1/3 cup of black beans, two scrambled eggs, two small corn tortillas. 11:30 a.m. Tuna sandwich - one slice of bread, five ounces of tuna with mayo, half an apple. 2:30 p.m. Tuna sandwich - one slice of bread, five ounces of tuna with mayo, half an apple. 8 p.m. Five ounces of baked chicken over two and a half cups of steamed kale, sauteed with onion, garlic, and crushed red pepper. Eight ounces of 100% cranberry juice because I was fiending for sugar. I only drank 64 ounces of water today but I feel pretty good as of writing this.

Strength & Conditioning Jeff at Indy CrossFit was concerned that the bruising on my arm was an indication of a torn bicep but after talking for a bit we concluded that it wasn't a major problem. We're no Docs, but Jeff thought the minimal discomfort and full range of motion indicated it was just a really...really...really...really...really horrible bruise. I'll post pics tomorrow.

We did a 21-15-9 today - squats (135#), burpees, and 400 meter run. I kept up a good pace and finished it in 16:38. I pushed the last 100 meters - it would have been a sprint if I had any legs left. I talked to a friend who watched my bout last Thursday. She told me that I "didn't have the fight" in me. She said I looked calm, casual. There is some truth to that. I need to stoke the fire in my belly.

Skills Nada.

Reactions.

"You went out there and decided that you were losing that fight," John Eckles said. I had to admit that he was right. I felt good in the first round but I was tentative in the second and third. I didn't do what I have been trained to do. I didn't do what I know I can do.


The first round was a toss up. I felt like I landed at least as many scoring punches as he did if not more. Round two I started slugging more and round three I just didn't do what I have been training to do. I started feeling emotions welling up when the doctor gave me his spiel about the symptoms of concussions. I made a beeline for the lockerroon and fell apart.

I was overcome with a million different shades of disappointment. Disappointment that I lost. Disappointment that I didn't fight up to my ability, that I didn't win for my student Moises, for Amanda, for my friends who came to watch. I felt like I disappointed my trainers and the guys I work out with.

Pat McPherson and Josh O'Brien made their way to the locker room and hung out with me for a bit. Pat talked about keeping it in perspective and told me that I should remember that getting in the ring at all distinguishes me even from most guys who train martial arts and that the experience, the process, and the lessons learned are what I should remember. Josh told me the he didn't last a full round in his first ammy fight. It made me laugh but it didn't make me feel better.

I cried off and on for the next two days. It's weird considering how casually I dismiss so many happenings in my life. I try to maintain a Buddhist-like, "shit happens" outlook but I worked harder in the last six months than I have worked for anything and coming up short hurt bad. The loss was a character-builder for sure, and I have made several conclusion in the wake of it.

I am in better shape now than at any point since high school but it's not enough. I need to buckle down on my diet, get more consistent with my training, and be fanatical about rest and taking care of myself. I spent part of today prepping food for a one-week Zone meal plan. It's recommended by the peeps at CrossFit and I think I need some portion control in my life. The meal plan focuses a lot on particular food combinations/nutrient ratios which I am curious about as well. I am back to the three days of CrossFit, three days of MMA routine as of tomorrow.

This project will not be constrained by an arbitrary time limit. I'd really like to do this all in a year, wrap it up with a bow and move on, but that's not how life works. My goals have changed since I started this project, I've changed. The story was an excuse to immerse myself in the type of martial arts training I've always wanted to do but managed to find a reason not to. I want to become a good fighter, a skilled martial artist, and a better, credible instructor. If that means that I fight four, five, six more USA Boxing matches and pushing back my pro-MMA debut, fine. If that means I spend a year or more on my grappling before my pro-MMA fight, fine. If that means I fight in half a dozen Muay Thai smokers before my pro-MMA debut, fine. Not only do I want to see this this project through, I want to do it successfully. I want to win for myself, for my bride-to-be, for my gyms, my family. Of course time is my enemy - I turn 29 next weekm but I think that if I bust ass I could still pull this off in a reasonable amount of time.

Losing sucks. Back to the drawing board.

Step one in the competition phase.

I will post reactions later.

Before.


This one's for Pat McPherson.


Evolutionary biologists, take note - this is justification for human facial hair.


Remains of the day.

I slept well, I feel good, and the only thing getting me down is the fact that I had to shave my beard. I'll update this entry with tonight's results as soon as I get home. I'll try to have the video up by Friday night.

Diet 8:30 a.m. Small bowl of oatmeal, two cups of green tea, fish oil caps, multivitamin. Noon Steak sandwich, fries, soda. On the run. 5:30 p.m. Not hungry. Mild twinge in my stomach. No butterflies or jitters, just the feeling you get when see an ugly situation unfolding slowly enough to respond to it consciously.

One day to go.

I am fighting at Golden Gloves tomorrow and according to Pat I am peaking. I feel good physically, mentally, emotionally. Today I shadowboxed six rounds just to get a sweat going and visualize the fight. All I know is that my opponent is tall, but I've sparred with tall guys lately so I am not sweating it. Chances are he won't hit as hard as I do, as frequently as I do, and from as many angles as I do. I have sparred almost exclusively with guys who had a height or speed advantage or both in the last month so I think I'm solid. As long as I keep my eyes in the right place, trust my defenses, keep my feet moving and don't listen to my brain when it tells me to quit, I'll be fine.

It's an appropriate time to reflect now, six months in to what is supposed to be a 12 month project. While I am still battling with emotional eating and making bad/convenient food choices, my overall fitness level is off the charts compared to what it was last summer. It's obvious that I need to work harder on my diet and cardio in the next six months to shave off more weight. Then it'll be a lot of jits, a lot of Muay Thai, and a lot of sparring to get ready for grappling matches, Muay Thai smokers, and my ultimate goal.

Diet 8 a.m. Two cups of green tea, a small bowl of oatmeal, two fish oil caps, a multivitamin. Noon Two kosher hot dogs, chips, carrots, some small cookies. 8 p.m. Frozen pizza, steamed broccoli.

Strength & Conditioning Six rounds of shadow boxing.

Skills Concentrated on staying "in the pocket," tucked behind my shoulders when I throw punches, keeping my feet moving, and throwing punches in bunches.